Happy Tree Fortress
by tytoon
Summary: A series of oneshots baised around if the HTF's were part of the game team Fortress 2
1. Deuling Snipers part 1

Okay here's my second thing so yeah its going to have more action than Disco Bear in the seventies

D.B: OH YEAH!!!

Not that kind of action I'm afraid

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The Happy tree friends theme plays but as soon as the title shows up it is blown up and replaced with the HTF's lined up carrying various kinds of weapons from a baseball bat to a mini gun

Suddenly a series of letters saying ((Happy Tree Fortress!)) fly into them splattering blood and guts on the wall behind them

Today's Episode Dueling Snipers

Starring Toothy

[In stead of the usual Sequence he has on a snipers hat and is holding a sniper rifle over his shoulders the little pop up thing is his hat going up and down]

And Disco Bear [We see disco in a red Outfit Zooming with a sniper rifle the little pop up is on his rifle reveling that he is zooming in on petunia aiming for the chest no less O.o]

We see a sweeping view of a old western type town with mostly wooden buildings gunshots can be heard in the distance as well as screams. We then switch views to heavy who is [slowly] charging into the red Base his minigun a blazing with Sniffles behind him keeping him healed.

The Red base is full of corpses the only remaining members of the Red team that can be seen are Lifty, Giggles, and Flaky who are taking cover the rest of the red team is basicly hole ridden body's strewn about the red base.

We then cut back to Lumpy who is taunting them with lines like "CRY some more Hhhahahahah" Sniffles who directly behind them simply sighs at Lumpy's Lines they do not notice the red dot over Lumpy's head .

We then go to the view of a zoomed sniper rifle we then hear the iconic "Oh yeah" right as a shot rings out. Time slows down as we see the bullet Pass through Lumpy's head and go out of it. Since the bullet was in a downward angle as soon as it passed through lumpy's Head it was in a direct course for Sniffle's head which the shot hits as well.

Time starts back up again and the two fall to the ground. Everyone gets out of the cover and starts cheering. Meanwhile, D.B hiding in the second story of a building decides to have a little Celebration of his own and zooms in on nowhere else than Giggles chest. [I know what a pervert!] Unfortunately he still had the laser sight on and Giggles notices the pointer on her chest she traces the laser back to DB with her eyes and Quickly puts two and two together and of coarse gets angry and starts to shout at DB but then her expressian goes cold, her eyes rollback and a hole about the size of the bottom of a coke can appears between her eyes a shot rings out.

She promptly falls on the ground dead the remaining members of the Red team Flaky and Lifty gather around there dead comrad not sure of what happened. Suddenly a similer hole appears on the forhead of Lifty flowed by the sound of the shot, Flaky Drops her standered issue grenade launcher and runs away but gets shot in the head as expertly and cleanly as the last two.

We then see a sweeping view of a large bolt action sniper rifle with a massive scope a turple arm manually inserted a buillet into the rifle with expert speed pulled back and fired out the window outside a red porcupine fell.

The arms belonged to a blu sniper Beaver by the name of toothy. He looked through the cope and sighed "Well that's all of them he muttered" He took the rifle off the tripod positioned on the window and prepared to leave when he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder he had been shot he proptly took cover "Damn I thought I got all of them" He said once again to himself.

Disco Zoomed in on Toothy's position "No one messes with my girls" he said to himself he then noticed Toothys sinper poking up from the window along with a bit of purple forehead sticking up "Hheheheh Nighty Night Blu Boy" Disco said then pulled the trigger.

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This is by no means the end of this chapter no it is indeed a two parter so stay tuned for more


	2. Chapter 4

Now for the dramatic conclusion

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We continue from when Disco pulled the trigger the shot fly's out of the barrel headed strait towards Toothy's head the bullet hits and goes clean trough exiting the other side the figure falls over. But there is one problem, THERE IS NO BLOOD!

We look on the floor of the building Toothy was positioned in reviling that the figure is simply a purple helmet with a hat on it.

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Now Disco whom we all know and love is about the third stupidest character that isn't a baby or frozen but he knows enough that when you blow someone's head off with a high powered rifle it usually results with a decent size blood spill.

So Disco was a bit stunned by what happened but he quickly got back his composure and took cover knowing that the Blu Sniper was still out there .Almost confirming this a shot flew through his giant orange afro Disco quickly became Enraged. He took his rifle and loaded a clip in.

"You can kill my Girls, fool me and work for those slimy blu's but ON ONE touches the Fro!!! Disco Shouted as he searched for the Sniper. "Where are you slimy Blu Bastered," He searched for Toothy using his scope he finally spots him running having abandoned his sniper rifle he was running just fast enough to elude his shots "Stand still Damnit" Disco Yells trying to get a fix on Toothy finally he looses sight of him.

Disco Kept searching for Toothy but to no Avail "God Damn your acting like a friggin spy now where the hell are you"

"Right behind you" Toothy whispered in Disco's ear with a large machete type knife ready to swing. Fortunately Disco has experienced enough spy attacks that if someone is behind you with a melee weapon the first thing you should do is get away. Unfortunately , for Toothy this wasn't the case Disco Spun around and knocked Toothy into the wall with his gun then jumped out the window with a sub machine gun that he kept with him for spy attacks.

However Toothy was more than ready for a close and medium range fight he readied his secret weapon and jumped out the window as well he was imminently met with a hail of bullets from Disco's sub machine gun Toothy got a few flesh wounds and took cover and readied his mid range weapon.

Disco was now firing hails of lead from his old backup gun which was keeping Toothy pinned down. When ran out of ammo he took cover and reloaded he jumped back out to find Toothy gone he cheeked his sides and saw Toothy and was met with a large object in his chest.

"A Fucking Arrow who the hell uses an arrow anymore and I thought I had old tastes" Toothy charged and disco reached into his coat grabbed an object an threw it the object thrown was none other than…

"A JAR OF PISS!" Toothy screamed as the urine seeped into his wounds causing much pain and leaving him stunned .

Disco ,meanwhile, used this time to reload and fired a large burst of ammo into Toothy's chest he fell over on the ground Disco sighed dropped his gun and went off heading for the red base "I could really use a medic right about now," He muttered to himself

Suddenly a large machete was extruding through his chest disco Fell onto the ground and locked eyes with his attacker "Nightly night Red man" Toothy said firing the last round of disco's machine gun into discos face.

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Read and review flamers will be Axtingwished


	3. Rocket Shmocket

**Renewing this YAAAZ!!!! **

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**The Happy tree friends theme plays but as soon as the title shows up it is blown up and replaced with the HTF's lined up carrying various kinds of weapons from a baseball bat to a mini gun **

**Suddenly a series of letters saying ((Happy Tree Fortress!)) fly into them splattering blood and guts on the wall behind them**

**Today's Episode…. Rocket Shmoket **

**Starring… Flippy! We see him dressed in a WWII style uniform carrying a rocket launcher the Pop Up is him bobing up in down with an explosion under him **

**And… Pop & Cub He is dressed exactly the same except with an armored baby carrier with cub inside, he's carrying a shot gun and a tool box, Cub has a little solders hat on and is carrying a wrench… The Pop up is turret guns and dispensers coming up around him.**

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**We open to the red team pinned down ,once again, in a narrow section of an desert town this time being on the offensive though. **

**A wall of sentries guarded the only path into the blue base. Nutty and Lifty Rush forward as Cro-Marmot unloads a hail of gun fire from "Sasha" Lifty gets cut down by machine gun fire, while Nutty is tailed by guided missiles due to his speed and manages to jump over the turrets moments before destroying it he notices something a dispenser and there above the first button CANDY! is written in big bold black letters. Nutty with a crazed smile on his face, runs forward towards the dispenser then upon realization looks back at the gun chipping through Cro-Marmots ice ever so slowly.**

**Nutty begins sweating as he is torn between saving his friends and delicious CANDY! Flippy who has been observing this from a distance and obviously hoping that nutty makes the right choose. He breaths a sigh of relief as nutty turns towards the turret then disappointment as he turns back around to the dispensers. Just a Mila second before Nutty reaching the button Nutty is met with a shot gun blast from Pop who the smiles and puts back. **

**Flippy face palmed himself as he watched Nutty get killed. Flaky then walked out let out a shy little laugh took a deep breath then closed her eyes and put her finger on the trigger of her grenade launcher shaking the gun and sweating as she pulls tighter and finally the weapon fires. The Grenade sails over the barren dessert floor and finally lands on a turret and explodes destroying it just before it penetrated Cro-Marmots ice and killing him.**

**Flaky gave a sigh of relief then she fell to the ground dropping her weapon as a stray missile headed right for her. As the gun hit the ground it launched a grenade that flew up in the air and hit Cro-Marmot blowing him up. Flippy jumped to the ground and the grenade blew up he looked up to find that the destroyed turret had been replaced with an even larger turret and was now targeted at flaky who ran away screaming. Finally the gun set it's sights on flippy. **

**Flippy had only seconds to act and that's when he got an idea**

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**You are now hanging off a cliff **


	4. Rocket Shmocket pt2

Animals will be harmed with extreme prejudice

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Flippy now with a plan charged head on at the guns who quickly targeted on him he dived and weaved through the machine gun fire and missiles then just as he was about to be blown to smithenes he aimed his rocket launcher down and fired.

Pop looked with his eyes wide open at what just happened. Then realizing what that meant, he laughed softly thinking "Who would survive that never mind who would do that,"

Just as he thought that Flippy landed right next to him. Just as Flippy thought his thick armor would easily absorb a lot of the force unfortunately he hadn't thought of the landing . "Ahh Crap I knew that was a bad idea I think my ankles broken," Flippy yelled to himself. Pop still stunned by these events just stood there for a few seconds.

Flippy turned to his side and saw the enemy engineer who stood there staring at him Flippy took this time to grab his shotgun . Flippy Grabbing his weapon was enough to wake up the dazed Pop who jumped out of the way as Flippy fired several rounds his way. Flippy got up quickly and took cover behind a nearby trough and fired from around the corner. Pop dodged the shots fairly easily but he was no scout and a piece of buck shot found itself imbedded in his arm.

"Ahh Crap!" Pop winced as he got hit "I knew I shouldn't have worn my fully bullet proof robe today!" He shouted. Flippy used this time to reach for his rocket launcher.

"Huh?," He suddenly realized that during his jump he dropped it. Flippy turned back around the corner to fire when he heard a click he reached down for more shells and couldn't find any. "Oh well here goes nothing," He said quietly. Flippy made a mad dash to his weapon while pop fired shotgun shells at him. Flippy jumped at his gun grabbed it and turned around in one motion and fired…

Straight into the air "Damn that wasn't as easy as I thought," Flippy said.

Meanwhile Flaky now tired from running and convinced that she was safe. Stopped to rest, now as she thought of it maybe she should go back and help Flippy then she looked up and saw a rocket falling right on her like a bomb she opened her mouth to scream but didn't get the chance as the rocket flew down her throat and blew up.

Flippy got up and saw while he was doing that he went back in the line of fire of the turrets and now his body was illuminated with little red dot "Well this couldn't get any worse" Flippy said out loud. He then strafed to the side the guns firing into his thick armor. He fired several rockets blowing two turrets and a dispenser up. Eventually a couple bullets managed to penetrate the armor he kept running now on adrenaline and ran into a small building nearby.

Flippy dropped his now empty rocket launcher and pulled out his sidearm and looked at his surroundings he was in a small train station he walked onto the loading area and saw Pop also with a side arm "Lets Finish this," Pop said and they both charged at each other guns blazing finally as they were right in front of one another Flippy reached to his belt. Pop attempted to do the same but realized his trusty wrench was missing.

"Dang IT!" Pop yelled as Flippy swung the object at his face. He tumbled of the station and fell on the tracks Flippy Grinned and yelled "ALL ABOARD!!" As a train came toward the station.

At the last possible second Flippy felt a blunt pain in his back he fell forward right as the train was passing decapitating him, his limp body fell on the tracks as Cub stood above him Giggling with a wrench in his hand.

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Yes Cub is responsible for both of there deaths how delicious,


	5. Meet the Scared Sniper!

Sorry guys for the long update school has been… hectic to say the least so without further a dew my new haliweenie episode for the first ever HTF/Teamfortress fanfic

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Time: 11:07 PM

We open to swish through of the cold dark hallways of the blue base currently, after this mornings battle everyone on the blue team is either injured, dead, or sleeping for the lone exception of the sniper Toothy who is standing watch over the base.

His rifle is set up ,unattended, at the window, it lacks a night vision scope so he has to use a sires of spotlights Pop set up to see anything, the beaver has just finished brewing a cup of coffee, he sits down and returns to keeping watch.

It was a quiet post this night, the mornings battle had been a decent victory managing to pushing them back past one of there defense points and they had wiped out a good number of the enemy enough to hopefully prevent an attack until at least the next day

So he sat there it was as they call it the graveyard shift, eventually though he dozed off despite the 2 gallons of coffee he had been drinking and the slight cold outside he was comfy sitting in the chair with his rifle.

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A loud scream suddenly woke him up "ah bugger!" He yelled and dashed off down the hall to the barracks where the scream came from. As he made his way down the hall he heard a large boom followed by a thud.

He threw open the door to the barracks. "Ahh Piss!!" there it was Lumpy and Sniffles dead in there bunks, Sniffles had a clean wound obviously by a knife across the throat it didn't leave much blood, but lumpy had a much more barbaric kill a gaping stab wound in the top of the head with blood drenching the blankets.

He quietly took off his hat in salute, as he put his hat back on he then heard some more screaming coming from the medical room he raced down the stairs and into the room.

It was obvious that it was the same attacker a combination of brutal head wounds and clean neck slices, he head the scream much more clearly now obviously female coming from the ammo room adjacent to the medical room there was also a trail of blood leading to it.

He entered his pass code and the metallic door slide open, inside was petunia her flame resistant gas mask off and a high caliber bullet wound in her leg, he bent down to help her…

"Behind you look out!" Petunia yelled right before a single bullet whizzed into her head spattering blood and brain matter all over the room.

Toothy turned around rapidly just in time to look at his attacker before a bullet flew into his…

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Time: 12:00 Midnight

"BOOM HEADSHOT, BOOM HEADSHOT, BOOM HEADSHOT," The Clock shouted this in a heavy Australian accent 12 times each time a little figurine of a beaver with a sniper rifle popped out. This loud disturbance was enough to wake Toothy up who was feeling frightened, Alarmed, and a little wet. "Ah damn I thought I'd stop having nightmares after suffering through months of this crap!"

He laughed quietly to himself as the feelings of the dream passed, "I got to stop drinking so much coffee if I'm just going to fall asleep anyway," He said to himself getting out a jarate jar to "relive" himself when he is interrupted by a scream the same one from the dream.

Once again he races down the stairs this time even faster than before drawing his machete he approaches the door and swoops it open striking at the first figure he sees…

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To Be continued DUNDUNDUN!


	6. Meet the Douchbagg Aka Scared Sniper pt2

**Hiya Everyone I'm going to be taking a long break from Bear Brothers until I can get used to writing in a non humorous tone also I apologize for not updating on Halloween like I wanted too… or thanksgiving, I've been getting bad grades and that has really blocked most of my creativity and time lately plus I was sick for a little while Anyway as always read and review or I swear to god I will backstab your mother because I never really was on your side**

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**Toothy strikes the person several times with his kukri* until the figure falls to the floor, **

**The lights flip on to reveal Lumpy and Sniffles, Sniffles looking on in shock and lumpy slowly munching on midnight snack.**

**Toothy looks down and sees the person he was striking ,a blue skunk in a fire retardant suit. **

"**Um I can explain mate uhhh you see I heard a scream and uh I thought there was a spy," tried to explain but Sniffles simply pointed to Petunias bunk it was very clean, even for Petunia for the sole exception of a single crumb of bread which was so small it's amazing anyone could ever notice it even Petunia.**

"**Ohh," Toothy sighed.**

**Lumpy and Sniffles then grabbed the beaver and tossed him in a holding cell to "Calm down". Toothy moves to the corner and lays down and begins to think about his mistake.**

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**12:20 **

**Guns shots rang out through the base, Toothy got up and ran to the edge of his cell and found that he could open it easily. "Bloody idiot forgot to lock it" Toothy says running to the sound of the gun shots but then suddenly he realizes he has forgotten his weapons.**

**Toothy runs to the armory and starts grabbing his gear. "hmm lets see here we got a rifle, Jar of piss, machine gun, Jar of piss, bow and arrow, might need that, Jarate piss jar users guide no, no, already read that beauty 8 times now," Toothy thinks while loading and packing his gear. He was about to leave when he spies* his old antique Australian shield, "Ehh, what the heck" he says plopping it on his back "Whether or not I hurry those bloody idiots are going to be dead by the nights end anyway," He once again runs towards the gun shots which for some reason hasn't stopped since he got out of his cell. **

"**YAAAARRAAAAA!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!" Lumpy says Firing his gun wildly around the room. "Lumpy!" Sniffles yells at the blue moose. "AHAAAHHAHAH COME ON OUT LITTLE BABY AWW DON'T CRY!!" Lumpy continues to yell, "LUMPY!!" Sniffles yells as hard as he can. "Yes Doctor," Lumpy said as he stopped firing. **

**Sniffles clears his throat and responds "I'm afraid I wasn't really on your side!" The intruder almost casually removes his mask and stabs the moose in the back.**

**The Spy revealed to be Shifty chuckles to him self. "Oh dear it appears I have gotten blood on my suit hehe" he wipes off his suit and ponders where the pesky sniper of the team is.**

**The then spy hears a loud "Oi" and turns toward the doorway to see Toothy aiming his trusty rifle at him "You no you, got a Big bloody fucking head, wanker!" Toothy yells at the Spy.**

**Shifty laughs. "Oh you little Australian man" He then changes his tone to his regular cocky, douchbag self. "I deeply pity you, tell me are my reports true or do you really live in a camper VAN!" He then bursts into laughing. **

**Toothy more than a little pissed off takes the shot…. and it hits! "Serves you right you bloody wanker!" He yells taunting the corpse. The Sniper begins to walk away when he hears a faint whisper in his ear .**

"**Peek-a-boo"**

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**Will Be continued!!!!! **


	7. Meet the scared spy

**hey guys sorry for the very long delay you see I GOT A NEW LAPTOP!!! And unfortunately It did not or at least I was lead to believe there was no Microsoft word document now I think I'm currently running on a 60 day trial so yeah but I'm going to make up for my long absence with a lot more Happy tree fortress though don't expect much more out of the bear brothers instead I plan on at least one fic involving my fan fiction alter ego Tyler NOW LETS DO THIS THING!!!!! **

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**Shifty decloaks and promptly stabs toothy in the back with little care even looking. Almost immediately a massive shock is sent through his spine and Shifty drops his knife, Toothy who had faced many spies had devised a cunning trap using some duct tape, wires a car battery and an ancient Australian shield nicknamed the razorback. **

**Toothy spins around using his tail to sweep shifty to the ground who promptly kicks him back and pulls out his trusty ambassador firing several shots in the direction of Toothy. Toothy ducts and weaves out of this section of the base with spy following him. "Come Back here you filthy Bushman" The spy yelled chasing Toothy and waiting for his watch to work.**

**Toothy rounds a corner and finds himself in his favorite sniping spot and quickly devises another cruel and cunning idea to use against the spy Shifty perusing him. **

**Meanwhile Shifty had lost his prey and decided he had better disguise to maybe fool toothy or any remaining sentries, thinking quickly he decided to become his even greater adversary than the sniper. **

"**MHMHMHMHMHMMHHHR!!!!" The now disguised Shifty yelled trying to lure toothy in. He entered the battlements where Toothy was waiting and found him with his trusty bow aiming right at him with a tower of something covered by a tarp.**

"**Mhmhmhrreeerhmhmh" Shifty said trying to get Toothy to buy the disguise he had put on. But Toothy just stood there aiming his arrow strait at him. **

"**Mhmhmhmhmh-Oh forget it" Shifty finally given up at fooling the spy took off his mask and said "Lets settle this like gentlemen" He reloaded his revolver but before he could make even one shot Toothy fired.**

**THWAK!!!**

**The arrow whizzed passed his head but before Shifty could make even one disconcerting remark about Toothy's aim and his mother the arrow hit it's real target, a rope. Using a system of pulleys and levers the tarp on the massive tower in the middle of the room reviling that the tower was made entirely of jars of urine that was now slowing swaying.**

**Toothy then taped the massive structure and it began to topple right onto Shifty who was presently looking in awe.**

**!!!!!!!!!! **

**We close with a now yellow dripping spy with several arrows in his back running away Screaming "I HAVE BEEN SHOWN WHO IS THE BOSS!!" **


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